Saturday, August 14, 2010


We've all heard the analogy of the darkened path, you know the one where God lights each step as He sees fit? A good analogy, to be sure...but it's always left me with a bit of uncertainty since nobody could ever tell me what to expect at the end of the path. Did it just end? Stop at some cliff and disappear into oblivion?
So I was introduced to a new analogy. What if we looked at our lives like a jigsaw puzzle? Each shape is already defined, the shape and color of every one predetermined. Even before it is put together, I am sure that even a young child could look at a big messy pile of puzzle pieces and conclude that when put together, it would form a beautiful picture of perfectly fitting, interlocking pieces. However, if we picked up just one piece, and looked at it without considering the remainder of the puzzle, it would probably just be one huge mystery--it would be nearly impossible to tell from that one tiny fragment what form the big picture might take.. We can only see the portion of the picture that has already been put together, so the one piece we are looking at may very well still look like a big giant blob of, well...nothing. But does that make the fact that it will indeed form something any less of a truth? Absolutely not. The finished product was determined at the very beginning; before the box was opened, before even one piece was set in place. We can find comfort i that, in knowing that our life is a beautiful picture in the making...and of course, in knowing that the one placing it together loves us far, far too greatly to allow a single one of those pieces to be misplaced.

If you're like me and in a huge period of transition right now (which I know many of us are, having just graduated high school) then you may very well have felt like I have been feeling at one point or another: lost, hopeless, afraid, and at some points maybe even abandoned. But in the words of our loving Savior, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world" (John 16:33)
Put your hope in him. Rest in him. He wants to answer your questions, and if it is your heart to follow him and do his will, YOU WILL HEAR HIM. There is no need to fear. And trust me, I'm talking just as much to myself as to any one of you who may care to read this ;)

Friday, July 30, 2010

I haven't updated my blog in quite a while....I just haven't been at all motivated to do it. And really I'm not right now either, but I'm going to do it anyways.
I just got home from spending a really fun night with the family at the Kilmarnock Carnival which is in town for the week. It was myself, Van, Patty, Scott, Christine, Levi, Elijah and Melanie. I babysat for a while and took the kids around to do rides and games. Levi won me a dalmation puppy, Elijah won me a horse (which he named lightning) and Melanie won me a necklace. It was a really nice night out and awesome to spend some time with the family. I saw a bunch f kids from the club there too. And speaking of the Club, things have been gettig a lot better there. I dont come home every day wanting to punch somebody! (thank goodness) and I'm actually starting to feel like I am making a positive difference in some of their lives.
I've done a lot over the past few weeks. Went canoeing with Zach (tons of fun), went to church at his old church (New Life with Pastor Richard), watched some crazy lightning/thunder storms with Elijah, went on a hike to the beach with Zach, took the kids to a baseball game in Richmond, began teaching some of them how to play tennis, went out to lunch with Zach, went out on a special dinner date with dad, and...probably a bunch more that I am forgetting. Things are really looking up with Zach and I...I've been seeing a lot of progress in myself and in our relationship as a whole, and it's quite exciting...although very painful and frustrating at times. really tired and just wanted to make a quick update...nothing inspirational this time!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

"When seen through spiritual eyes, a healed heart and transformed life are far more spectacular than a straightened hand or restored sight...As dedicated believers, we are on a grand adventure that bristles with power and excitement." -Bill Bright

I feel that this quote embodies my entire trip. This is why I am here. I have felt so hopeless at times in the past month, felt like giving it all up. More than once I have thrown up my hands and said that I am done, I'm going home. But I'm still here. Why? Because I am holding onto the handhold in this towering mountain I am climbing that God placed before me in February when He told me to come here. I am holding and waiting patiently (or working towards patience) for God to carve out another handhold for me to move forward in my climb. I see a heart being healed and a life being transformed before my eyes and it is truly the most spectacular thing I have ever witnessed. I wouldn't walk away from this for the world. The hardships and trials that I am experiencing here are part of what makes my adventure "bristle" as much as it does. I have gone to other countries at God's beckoning and seen miracles of physical healings, but nothing can compare to the miracle of a life being transformed daily in front of my very eyes....THIS is why I do what I do, this is the essence of my decision, this is why I am here.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

So my life is continually difficult haha. mistakes, mistakes and more mistakes. BUT, the great thing about mistakes? I grow :) so I'm happy. It's been difficult adapting to this place. Different surroundings and environment have caused me to have to change my mindset and lifestyle to a degree but i believe that it's all part of the plan and my adaptation to these things are God's way of beginning to mold this part of my life and shape me into the woman he desires me to be (thank you Scott :) ). I dont know anyone here....dont have a church here....dont have a vehicle, dont know where I am, dont have a million people to hang out with...God is really teaching me reliance on him and not on people and institutions, which is pretty cool. He's really been working between Zach and I as well to relieve some of the tension and work out alot of the hurt and mistrust that built up over the last six months. It's been really difficult but I can daily feel God freeing me from the burdens and constrictions of the fear, pain, mistrust and anger that I spent so much effort repressing between January and now. At the time it was necessary for me to repress it because I couldn't have functioned had I allowed myself to feel it. But now I've got to deal with it. Repressing it doesn't make it go away, it simply helps you cope with it in the moment. In a strange way, Zach and I are better off now than we have been in a while.....but it is still really hard not to wish and wonder what if none of this had ever happened....I was really struggling with that a few nights ago. Having to look at us and see the potential of such beauty and know what an ideal relationship would look like without our interference, if we simply followed God's will for it on all levels....and looking at how broken it all is now. I had a hard time, thinking that it just isnt fair that I shouldnt have that beautiful godly relationship between two people who sought God and waited for Him to bring them that one other person...especially since I did wait. I realized exactly how much hurt I had pent up over time. I think I cried enough to fill a river...but thankfully God was gracious enough to build the bridge for me :)

Sunday Josh Zach and I went to the Yorktown theatre and saw The Last Airbender. Monday was kinda a lax day. Tuesday I wasnt feeling well so Zach stayed with me all day at Margo's to watch Abby, only left to go get me lunch :) Yesterday I watched Abby by myself but it was a very good day. Caught up on some rest and had some awesome worship time. Zach and Josh came and lunch with me cuz they were working close by and then after work, the three of us went to Nail Trix in Kilmarnock and got pedicures (see FB for pics! :D). Josh was super excited, Zach took some convincing. when they found out about the nail polish they were even less excited but both of them were good sports (relatively) and got their nails painted. Well, I never planned on getting a pedicure, especially with my two best friends (who not only live on the opposite side of the country but are both guys XD) haha but it was good. And then last night we had a really good family meeting with Zach, Josh, mom and dad and I. I feel closer to them all and feel that I value these relationships God has blessed me with more than ever. I'm beginning also to see and appreciate positive traits in Zach that I didn't notice even when we were dating, as God is revealing them to me, and as a result respecting him on new levels.

I feel like I've been really lacking the excitement and adventure that I thrive on since I have been here, but God is teaching me that adventure and excitement doesnt always come wrapped in the package that I might like to think it does. letting God's plan unfold in my life is a much different excitement than what I am used to or was expecting but I am learning to appreciate it just as much....

He still has alot to do in me and it's becoming painfully obvious to me how far I still have to go...but I aam looking forward to it. Thank you all for your prayers. I need and appreciate them so much. Please keep Zach, Christine, Scott, Elijah, Levi and Josh in your prayers as well.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Ok, so it's been a while since I updated...I'm going to do my best to remember what all has happened. Let's start with Sunday the 27th. The while family went to Busch Gardens (including Josh) and we took one of those old western pictures as a family :) it turned out reeeeally good. Then we spent the day going on rides and went to the Glory in the Gardens concert to see Johnny Diaz, Brit Nicole and Third Day. Christine was given a VIP pass to go back and meet Third Day so she was really happy!
Monday was my first day volunteering at the Boys and Girls Club in Kilmarnock. It went really well. So I am super excited about this whole thing, it's totally a God thing that I ended up there. The whole focus of this summer at the Club is teaching children to love. This alone is huge for me because that is the biggest thing that God has been working on in my heart and teaching me since January, it is essentially the reason why I am here in the first place. Another exciting thing about my first day: Mr Carter, the man who runs the Club just happened to run into Scott at Subway on his lunch break and Scott told him about me and explained to him why I am here. Mr Carter then decided to use me as an example in the talk he was already planning on having with the teens that afternoon. He was able to use my story paralleled with his to encourage the teens and in the process I learned alot about him. All the staff at the BGC are incredible and the kids are so in need of love and affection. God placed me in my own little mission field right here :) I'm positive this is where I am supposed to be.
On Tuesday i went to work with Zach and cleaned up a house to make a little money. Wednesday was my first day dogsitting Abby for Margo. That went pretty well also. It was incredibly boring, but the house is on a beautiful, quiet lake with birds everywhere and is going to be a very peaceful place fir me to relax and get away form things in the middle of my busy week. On top of that, Margo is a wonderful, godly woman and very kind. Everywhere I am working God is placing me in the path of amazing people.
Thursday and Friday I was back at BGC. Thursday I had the opportunity to chaperone a field trip for the 6-12 year olds to a place called Westmoreland State Park. It's about an hour outside of Kilmarnock on the Potomac River. The kids spent the day swimming and we spent the day cooking lunch and chasing them. The highlight of the day was when a little 6 year old boy named Cartise lost his underwear and stole another boy's who was at least twice his size. He was convinced they were his though and it took us a good 10 minutes to get him to take them off and give them back to the other boy. The kids had a blast though and I got a chance to realy talk to a couple of the older girls and to get to know the staff better. Overall a very fun day.
Yesterday was just flat out crazy. Apparently Fridays are always the worst but to top it off we were short about 5 staff members and we had a birthday party too. the gym was covered in frosting and lemonade and chasing down a runaway child was a regular event every few minutes. out in the gym there was 4 of us to 50 of them and it was INSANE. When they started to go home though and it chilled out I again had the opportunity to connect with a few of the kids and share our stories. I feel like god has already begub to use me to impact this place and I am SO excited for what is to come.
I'll try to update more often....fireworks with the family tonight, Dad and Elijah leave tomorrow morning for Boy Scout Camp...Monday off of work....Should be a good weekend :)
Love you all!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Went to an amusement park here in Williamsburg yesterday called Busch Gardens. It's a pretty cool place, but the best part was getting to meet up with Carter Moore and Nicole Rodriguez, two of my friends from GE. I met Nicole in 2006 in Costa Rica and then saw her again on the trip in 2007 to Peru where I met Carter and Zach. It was so nice getting to see them again and meeting their friends!
Today I went into town and spoke with representatives at the Boys and Girls Club as well as at the local YMCA where I am applying for volunteer positions working with children. I'm gonna take those apps in and will update as soon as I get a response from either place :)
The woman at the Boys and Girls Club just moved here from California in January. She is from Mission Viejo and her son lives in Fresno so that was interesting! She was very pleasant and that gave me an immediate connection to her. In addition to that, Scott and Zach did a huge amount of renovation for them when the club was first opening and are very close with the two head guys there, AND one of Christine's closest friends is the bus driver for the club. I'm thinkin this might be the place for me, but we'll see :) And I'm not worried about income or anything like that because that side job watching the dog is most likely going to come through and I will be getting paid for that :)
Working on finding my purpose in this mess we call life,

Monday, June 21, 2010

June 18th. Etched in my mind. Hopefully a turning point in the life of my best friend. Some crazy stuff is going on here, God dropped me right in the middle of some amazing ministry that is happening in this home. Van, a man who has been a very close friend to their family for a long time and runs a very unique (in my opinion) ministry came on Friday with his daughter Patty to pray for Zach. He was in immense pain and there was a lot of spiritual warfare going on. They came here and prayed for him and Van drove out everything that has been tormenting Zach. The feeling in the room was incredible and the knowledge of God's power undeniable. I realize that change is going to take a lot of work on his part and a lot of commitment, but I see a difference already as he is beginning to again resemble the man that God brought into my life three years ago. I am so looking forward to being a part of everything God is going to be doing in Zach's life....keep checking in, I guarantee it's going to be exciting.

On another note, I've had an offer to work two days a week for a woman babysitting her Shitzu with abandonment issues (which I find extremely amusing) and helping her around the house. I'm praying about possibly doing that. There's also a possibility of me getting involved in helping at one of the local horse ranches with lessons or even coaching something at the Y. I am prayerfully considering all of it, as well as getting in touch with a local pastor in hope of involving myself in some kind of ministry or outreach.

Until next time... :)

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

So it's officially day 4 in my new Virginia home. It's been quite the ride already, I'm not completely sure what I've gotten myself into. BUT....I know it's going to be good. I completely surprised their whole family by showing up at Zach's gradation and received the warmest welcome I ever could have hoped for. His entire family not only accepted the fact that I was here but Christine (his mom) asked if I could stay for the rest of my life before I even told her about m one way ticket. The moment I landed in Richmond, I knew that I was at home. It's been hard already, and I know it's going to continue to be hard, but it's so completely worth it to me. I told God I would give up anything, that I would go anywhere for Him. I never expected to be sent here. But I'm here, and it's right and good and perfect...all in God's timing. I don't know when or if I am going back to California, but that isn't a worry in my mind. God is continuing to teach me about his love, forgiveness, and how to trust him with everything--letting go of my fear. This is an amazing adventure that I feel honored and blessed to be sent on. The fact that God trusts me with something this big blows me away. I know he has an amazing, beautiful, incredible plan that I have hardly even had a glimpse of yet. But I'm part of this...part of something huge and wonderful. God is gonna blow my mind here in the coming weeks, I believe that in full. He has already begun his work--I can trace it back for weeks and months and even years that have all been leading up to this climax. And it's only going to get better from here. God has already begun to rebuild the friendship between Zach and I, which I am completely in awe of. There is so much to be healed and so much to much in his heart he has to overcome and be delivered from. But that's not my job, that is God's job and he has simply allowed me to be a part of this beautiful plan and be here to love and encourage Zach.
I'll keep the updates coming :)

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Arrived at Zachs graduation..i cried when i saw josh and his family. I am currently waiting for it to start. His parents said i can stay for the rest of my life
And the journey begins...i just landed safely in richmond, virginia. I bought a one way ticket and dont know where or when i will end up :) updates soon!